2023.02.21. – Tsagaan Sar

 Visiting a Mongolian family for Tsagaan Sar - our first time inside a ger.

Today is the first day of Tsagaan Sar. Our Mongolian guide/friend Uka had invited us to visit her family so we got up fairly early (8 am) and got ready. She lent us some traditional Mongolian clothes to wear today, and we couldn’t quite figure out how to put the belts on (or if I am even allowed to wear jeans underneath the dress she brought for me) but it turned out fine, I think. (I was wearing jeans bc it’d be too bloody cold to wear a dress on its own, and I also don’t wear dresses – this way it was more like a tunic – and she helped us with the belts.)

First, we went to her mom’s home, which is in the outskirts of UB and it took as at least an hour to get there. There were a bunch of kids playing badminton in the yard (the ‘yard’ which is really just a patch of packed dirt, with all due respect, not a lawn or grass or anything, no trees, just mud), including Uka’s cute lil son. We went inside where the adults were all sitting around the room, wearing traditional clothes (the kids were also wearing those btw, and they looked adorable and fairly comfortable in them). We were immediately offered milk tea – which is what everyone seems to be drinking here – and once we gave our gifts to Uka’s mom (an envelope with money, a bottle of Hungarian wine, and a box of pralines), we sat down on the sofa. Most of the room was taken up by a dining table, stacked with food. There was a huge plate of meat (looked like it was really just big pieces of meat, but like, really big, not portioned), a tower of some kind of biscuits (?) that had these dairy products on top, and also plates of different kinds of diary products (like something that was possibly home-made butter in cubes, but they ate it by itself and their famous dried curds too), and of course lots of buuz. They also had some small plates of salads, probably bc Uka had told them in advance that we are ‘vegetarians’. We’re more vegan than vegetarian, if anything, but I gather it’s really hard to explain the difference here (just like it is very difficult to explain it in Hungary once you go to the countryside, even though it should be really easy… no meat vs no animal products at all). In any case, it was very nice of them to make salads and we also didn’t want to be rude by not eating anything, so we had a bit of every salad or meat-free dish, disregarding the fact that almost all of them had diary products in them. We also sipped on the milk tea – I thought it was pretty nice, a bit salty and very milky, but my husband (who used to like milk much more than I did) thought it wasn’t good at all. We’ve also shared a single buuz (Mongolian dumpling) but no more bc it was filled with meat (and even the smell made me gag).

We stayed there for a while, awkwardly staring at each other and nervously smiling while they were conversing, although it seemed like they didn’t really talk that much among each other either. The men also each had a snuffing box and they gave them to us to smell – literally that’s the thing you are supposed to do. The man offers it in his right palm, and you have to take it with your right palm as well, carefully unscrew the top (if it isn’t already unscrewed), sniff in the little opening, then pass it on – again, with your right hand to the next person’s right palm. Weird. My husband commented on how it seemed like we were just smelling every man’s own perfume.

They have also given us small gifts, which I thought was very nice of them, since we aren’t family or even close friends, just random guests. We got a pair of socks each, a face mask (of milk, bc apparently milk is very important and brings good luck – we’d even seen an old woman splashing milk on the pavement in the city, praying), a small box of ChocoPie, and money.

Random part of a ger-district from the car window

After some time (must have been less than an hour), we left that household, piling into cars (all of the family, by the looks of it), Uka’s car holding 7 people at that point (her mom with the child in her lap on the front seat, 4 of us in the back, a lady basically sitting on her husbands lap so that we could fit). It was about a 20-minute drive to the home of Uka’s aunt, which was a ger. Well, there were 3 gers next to each other, but we all filed into one of them.

This was also our first time in a ger! It was really exciting, finally stepping into a ger after all these months living in Mongolia, but it didn’t feel that monumental, to be honest. It may have been much more exotic or adventurous if it had happened when we first came here, but after having lived here for quite some time, it wasn’t that strange – even though it really was, in many aspects. Maybe it was just too weird and we went overboard into shock? Who knows. Or maybe bc we were very tired (went to bed at about 3 am, having stayed up to finish reading a fanfic). But it was still very interesting.

Again, gave our gifts to the woman of the household (who may have been Uka’s grandma or aunt, I am not sure), then settled around the table. We had to nibble our way through half of the table again, and people kept pushing food at us, and Uka also told us (as she was the only one in both places who spoke English) that they were all very worried that we weren’t eating. But we weren’t hungry, and we did eat some salads and even a banana. The offerings were about the same here as in the previous household, only maybe a bit more in volume, and they also made us snuff their snuffboxes. Here, we also got to try rice with raisins, fermented horse milk (kumis, he-he) in a big bowl which we just handed around the table with everyone taking a sip/drink from it and they gave us shots of vodka (?) and some kind of drink which was a lot like fermented horse milk but paler in colour and softer in taste. To be completely honest, none of them tasted any good, but then our systems are not used to dairy products or alcohol nowadays – and I’ve never really liked these kinds of things even before going plant-based. My husband actually decided to stop trying stuff they offered bc his stomach was already protesting at this point – no wonder, he’s also lactose-intolerant. I tried everything that they pushed into my hands (even a small bite of some kind of dried sheep) but didn’t volunteer for anything else, keeping to small helpings of salads, but actually not eating much at all, overall. I think with every single thing added together it was still only about half a meal (well, definitely less than what I would usually eat for lunch) but the smell of all those (fermented) diary products and meat left out and buuz freshly steamed… it got me nauseous pretty quickly.

Uka and us in the ger, table set for Tsagaan Sar in front of us

As for the ger, it was surprisingly spacious and they even had a TV turned on inside, behind the table. Uka explained that one side of the ger is for guests, the other for women and doing household chores, and one for the (male) head of the family to sit at, and that you are not supposed to cross the ger but go around if you want to go to a different part. It was also pretty nice and toasty inside with the fire going, they even had the door open (for kids to come and go through).

Uka’s family was also very kind, with inviting us in the first place (or at least letting us come), and making us salads, and offering us food and drinks and being very hospitable. It’s a shame we couldn’t talk to them at all since we don’t have a common language.

When we left here (again, didn’t stay for too long, probably less than an hour), we got some presents again, this time money and a Mongolian scarf each (that you are supposed to wear around your waist, I think – and this seems to be a gift that shows respect too, since Uka also gave such belts to both her mom and this family). They are so gracious, really.

What we found a bit strange (among other things) is that the people in these families didn’t eat much (even though the tables were packed full of food), didn’t talk much, and didn’t stay for long. In Hungary, when you visit family, you have to stay there for at least a few hours (we usually do 4-6 hours for holidays, but definitely not less than 3, at least in my family), you eat so much you can barely breath by the end, and people talk over each other, several different conversations going on at the same time if there are this many people. It’s noisy and warm and a bit chaotic. Here, it seemed more traditional (with the gift giving, hand positions, things to say, everyone in traditional clothes) and less boisterous. But maybe it’s just bc we are outsiders, and we don’t notice our small traditions as much at home, where we are so used to them. Or maybe it’s just my family. Who knows.

Coming back home – took bloody ages with traffic more horrible in the ger districts than I’ve ever seen, even here in UB, I think we were in the car for at least 2 hours, maybe 3, even though we’ve never left the city – we also gave some lucky money and pralines to Uka when she dropped us off.

The gifts we've gotten for Tsagaan Sar
Look at those beautiful scarves!

For dinner/lunch, I’ve made a quick instant pasta with onions and sweet corn, not wanting to put anything heavier into our stomachs as we were still both feeling pretty nauseous. In the evening, I’ve chilled on the couch watching YT and reading a bit and writing this post, while my husband took a nap on the other couch and then went on to type away on his laptop, possibly working.